That Time I Ate The Object Lesson

So, I don't have many friends who are girls.  It takes work, that whole social thing, and sometimes I'm just lazy.  And there was this girl in my old ward... she was older than me, and single, and so so so cool -- in a geeky way that made her all the cooler.  I didn't really know her, I'd just listened to her make a comment here or there in church.  And the comments were spunky, insightful, independent, and quirky.  I liked her.  I wanted her to be my friend.  But the only way you know how awkward I can be is if you've witnessed it.  Which, if you're reading this blog, you probably have.

So we're sitting next to each other in Relief Society for the first time, kinda chatting a bit through the opening exercises and a bit into the lesson.  It's going well.  She likes me!  Okay, she might like me.  I should be clever.  And also insightful.  This is my moment.

And in the middle of my moment, she hands me this open tin.  It's about the size of her palm, and it's got things that look like beautiful, translucent little rocks in it.

Now, if I'd been paying attention to the lesson, I'd have known that this was a visual aid, to help us really get into the lesson I'd been ignoring.  My job was to look politely, and pass it along.

But I just thought it was some fancy mint she was sharing  just with me, because we're new best pals, and as soon as someone offers you a mint, you also instinctively worry, "I must have the breath of a gorilla" so I took a few and popped them in my mouth.

Chomp.

Um, these are rocks.  Not mints.  I spit them out and I'm laughing.  Laughing hard.  Quietly, but my whole body is shaking and I'm taking these sharp breaths that are a dead giveaway.  It is not an appropriate kind of laughter, even if it is quiet.  And it's probably going to get very loud, very soon.

I have sticky yellow stuff in my hands, I'm shaking violently and practically hyperventilating, and this poor really cool sister has to take me out into the hall so I don't cause a scene.

"What IS that stuff you gave me?" I ask.
"Weren't you listening?"
(No, I was busy thinking about how you liked that thing that I'd said...)
"It had gold, myrrh, and ...I think you ate the frankincense."

Ah.

And amazingly, she stayed my friend.