Monday, October 12, 2009

deserve an explanation

Yeah, so, about the whole picking-up-wherever-I-want business. I guess that means I should mention...

1. Scott's graduation: It was marvelous. Pictures to come.
2. Visit by the Weed clan: Also, quite marvelous. Not many pictures, unfortunately -- spent more time chatting.
3. Visit with the Grawrocks and new baby Gavin: A quick but very nice trip. That is one cute baby!
4. Scott's birthday: he's 29. Wow.
5. Uhhhh, I swear we did other stuff this summer. I'll get back to you on that.

Well, with that detailed update, I guess it's time to move on to an honest analysis of why I've been such a lazy blogger. And don't say you don't care. I know it keeps you up at night, so there's no point in pretending.

As the facts stand, life is rather hum-drum at the moment -- and that's putting it sweetly. I think I've mostly recovered from this funk, but it's been a Big, Bad Funk; and I've been wimpier than my usual flighty self. And more emotional.

Scott is currently using his master's degree to rock the world of Lindon's Home Depot. They pretty much take him for granted and pay him accordingly. I know it's not the end of the world, but after putting in 6 years of marriage and schooling I'd really planned on living ...anywhere but Provo. I'd planned on us working ...anywhere but Home Depot.

The Lord has consistently taken my plans, surpressed a laugh, and shown me a much better way for things to be. I have no doubt the same will happen again. But in the interim, my pride gets injured -- which I think is part of the Lord's agenda. I think I'm learning to be comfortable in the Lord's hands, to have peace in the waiting and that I am showing the greatest level of trust when I relax enough to be cheerful -- even if it's a rather determined cheerfulness.

So, sorry for my withdrawl. Going inside myself is the only place I felt comfortable finding strength. I believe there is greater strength in good, close associations coupled with solitude than in myself alone. But I have been wary to share, wary to trust. I don't think this is how the Lord would have me be. It's the only way I've known how to be. I hope to change this about myself, but I do think it's going to be quite the gradual change -- things like this don't happen over night, no matter how much I'd wish it so.

9 comments:

The Hulls said...

Loving you Mickelle!

Carina said...

I think I know what you mean, Mickelle...at least, I can understand a little bit of how hard things are. My plans were so far from what is currently happening in my life that it's not even remotely close. I know how hard it can be to talk about it and how humbling it is to have to accept reality. If you ever want to talk, I'm here! =) Love ya!

Anonymous said...

Don't worry... the sun won't hide forever. -SA

The Nat Nat said...

Be glad that he has a job! I talk to recent graduates all the time who can't find employment! Remember, he just graduated, he has another 30-35 years until retirement, he's got TONS of time. In the meantime, count your blessings and perhaps working at the Home Depot will help Scott remodel your bathroom some day.

Grandma Cheryl said...

Ah, I understand. I think when we are in the middle of a trial, we think no one has ever felt this before. Believe me I have and I probably did the same thing. The Savior is always there, and he has been down this road before with you. Remember all trials end, just not always when we think they should. Love you both.

Svedi Pie said...

Mickelle let's get together and chat - did I tell you I'm husbandless? Will be for another 3 weeks. Love you girl!

Jill Skouson said...

I think I know exactly how you feel. Glad you're back to blogging. I've been thinking about ya! Love ya!

loradona said...

Mickelle! I heart you, and I think you are all kinds of awesome, and I think Scott is all kinds of awesome, too.

I have dealt with the "I wanted to be somewhere, anywhere but here" thing, and I know it can be tough. I'm sorry it has to be your experience right now.

Good luck! I love you guys!

Missy said...

I know exactly how you feel. It is hard to put up post when you are just trying to get though life. I love you and miss you so much. I will be in Provo Nove 12 and I hope to see you